Thursday, 24 December 2020


This time two years ago I had just returned home after a short break in Paris and was feeling a magnificent and overwhelming combination of grief and gratitude.  On the train home that day, I wrote a short piece about how I felt but it never made it on to my blog until now. 

This year has either been a year to remember...or one to forget depending upon your outlook.  
This Christmas I am, once again feeling a powerful mix of grief and gratitude.
This Christmas I have fewer presents to buy.
This year my wrapping paper has rabbits on it.


Christmas Eve 2018

"The little carved rabbit on the left used to sit on the top of the fridge at my Nan and Grandad's house in Sheffield.

When my young Nan first caught my Granddad's eye, he asked her if she would like to accompany him on a picnic the following week. Nan agreed but (rather coquettishly if you ask me) only on the condition that they would get to see rabbits. Granddad assured her that there would indeed be rabbits. 

They met the next week as agreed & spent a sunny afternoon walking the country lanes and talking about nothing in particular before finding a suitable spot to stop and have their picnic.

As the sun set & my Granddad delivered my Nan back to her front door he told her that he had had a wonderful time and that he hoped that she had too. My Nan answered in feigned disappointment that the day had been "OK" she supposed but sadly she hadn't seen any of the promised rabbits. Granddad pressed this little wooden rabbit into my Nan's hand, carved from a secretly selected branch that afternoon with the penknife from his pocket when she wasn't looking and explained (rather smoothly if you ask me) that he ALWAYS kept his promises.

Nan told me that it was at that point she knew she was in trouble.

I bought the little blue rabbit in the middle the week I found out I was first expecting a baby. Daz & I had decided we were ready to try for a baby just 4 weeks before and frankly I had expected a little more time spent trying before we succeeded. One Lunch break, still reeling from how quickly it had all happened and not yet quite understanding quite how my life was about to change, I idly imagined an inquisitive little blonde-haired boy with a blue rabbit under one arm calling me "Mummy". When Eloise arrived 8 months later, she was not who I had been expecting but was equally & breath-takingly brilliant.

The little toy rabbit on the right is Blue Bun. He has been Isaac's main cuddly companion from the moment he was born. Blue Bun is a little bit naughty and has been known to hide under beds and behind cushions whilst on holiday so he can be posted back to us from exotic locations returning with elaborate tales of imagined adventures.

My Daz & I are currently travelling home to our babies with elaborate tales of real adventures after a brilliant long weekend in Paris. We have walked over 40 km exploring Parisian streets, visiting galleries, seeing the sights, feeling incredibly fortunate, remembering My Nan who died this week, and looking out for rabbits...We saw 3.

 Nan was 98 and one of my absolute favourites. I shall miss her terribly.

May we all see our fair share of rabbits."

So, what shall we talk about?

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